Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
The uberlube is also flammable
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
Randomize
