dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
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