Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
Randomize
