I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
Randomize
