you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
Randomize
