Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
Randomize
