I didn't know that people actually queef. Is this a real thing?
I believe so, yes.
Would you be offended if I asked if it has happened to you?
When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
He passed out mid-signature
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
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