Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
Randomize
