we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
Randomize
