Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
Randomize
