I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
Randomize
