So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
Randomize
