Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
I woke up under a house in Key West
Randomize
