I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize
