my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
Randomize
