I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
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