the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
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