im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
no. you can't hotbox the world.
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
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