Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
Randomize
