You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
Randomize
