At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
why do cheetos always look like penises
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
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