its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
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