You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
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