Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
