STUCK IN CAPS. WANA GET AFTER IT TOMORROW?
Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
Randomize
