you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
Randomize