There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
Randomize
