My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
Randomize
