I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
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