I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
No stitches, just platelets and will power
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
Randomize
