I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
I completely forgot about the posting of partying pics shortly after adding my gma my dad was like grandma says your all over fb but she doesn't know how to use it. Of course I'm all over her fb. She's got 6 friends I am her newsfeed
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
Randomize
