Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
Randomize
