I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
Randomize
