We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
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