How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
Randomize
