the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
Randomize
