I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
Randomize
