Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
If there's anything in this world better than hotboxing in the rain I haven't found it yet.
Agreed
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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