..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
