totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
Randomize