I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
Randomize
