the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
Randomize
