She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
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