Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
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