I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
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