that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
i've created a new STD.
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
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