There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
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