it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
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