He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
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