Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
im about as happy as oj after his trial
I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
All I want is dick and wine.
Randomize
