I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
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