I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize
