Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
Right after i got done cumming i sat back and gave a big Ric Flair "WOOOOOO!"
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
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