I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
Randomize
