True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
that may or may not have been my penis.
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
Randomize
