Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
Randomize
