I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
Randomize
