So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
Randomize
