I never want to see another naked old woman again.
she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
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