The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
Did we literally take a cab across the street
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
Randomize
