Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
Randomize
