my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
How much explanation does bbqsexapalooza need?
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
Randomize