I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
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