I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
tell your sister to shave her snatch
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
Omg I joined a choir last night...
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
Randomize
