You're a womanizer and a bitch.
we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
can you pick up canola oil? she lives by wegmans
who is canola oil?
you're an idiot.
i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
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