Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
My day in three words: secret purse cake
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
Randomize
