I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
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