lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize
