I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
Welp...herpes.
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail.
I wholeheartedly concur
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
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