the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
