i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
Randomize
