Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
Randomize
