I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
kill, fuck, marry: alice cullen, hermione granger, ginny weasley.
damn... fuck alice for sure, I feel bad but i think I have to say marry ginny... and kill hermoine! I can't believe I'm answering this right now.
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
Randomize
