No awkward lesbian experiences without me
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
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