maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
I smell like Dick and happiness
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
Randomize
