he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
i justawanted to let you know that illi aalways be thwew for ui and o qill waasag youer dog whenebvet u wsnt
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
Randomize
