"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
Randomize
