I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
I'm not sure, 7-8, the last bit was a rush of at least three blended together. Basically you fucked me so stupid that I can't even recall the number of orgasms.
So you know, I'm making that my facebook status.
Mom said you looked used
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
