I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize
