Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
drinking out of a sandbucket again
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
Randomize
