Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
Randomize
