Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
3pm strippers are depressing
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
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