If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
I don't even want to think what you did to boys being that drunk and horny.
Then I wouldn't suggest looking at the pictures from last night.
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
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