He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
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