It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
You're earring is so big in my mouth
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
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