so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
Randomize
