Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
Randomize
