Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
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