scale of 1-10 how well do I give head
5, but i have never had a 10. best was an 8 so if i grade you on a curve you are a 7. ish.
Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
Randomize
