you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
Randomize
